Crash

“Hold me now ’cause I couldn’t even if I tried
It’s over now I guess it really is my time
I don’t wanna go but it’s time I gotta say goodbye
So hold me now ’cause this will be our last time
I’m slowing down and I don’t think that I can fight
I know somehow that you will find a way to live your life
Remember just to live everyday like it’s your last
Hold me now ’cause I think it’s time for me to pass

I don’t wanna die I don’t know why this kinda faith was meant for me
You gotta be strong gotta move on it’s not how it was supposed to be
What do I say it was never supposed to end up this way
What do I have to do was supposed to grow old with you
That ain’t gonna happen no that ain’t gonna happen

Hold me now ’cause the time I’ve got is running out
No tears allowed even though we become without
I just wanna feel your head laying on my chest
So hold me now as I take my last breath

I don’t wanna die I don’t know why this kinda faith was meant for me
You gotta be strong gotta move on it’s not how it was supposed to be
What do I say it was never supposed to end up this way
What do I have to do was supposed to grow old with you
That ain’t gonna happen no that ain’t gonna happen”
Crash – Sum 41

This is one of my favorite songs. It explains the feeling of dying, a feeling I live with everyday and I know that if I didn’t feel this way everything would be different.
I feel like I’m dying, like my time is running out. I’m too tired to fight it, because I’ve seen the comfort of dying. I’ve seen the tunnel, I’ve felt my body disappear, I’ve felt that final peace, that final hope, that final rest, that final calm. It’s the best thing I’ve ever felt.
And this feeling like I’m dying together with the black pit in my stomach sucking me dry from all hope, dream, motivation and inspiration… it doesn’t leave me much joy. My joy is to know that this will all be over one day.
I can’t feel happiness, excitement etc. for anything in life, all I feel is this sorrow, anger. I know how to smile, but I can never feel it. I   lost all feelings for my friends and family. I know that I care and would do anything for them but I can’t feel it.
I started out to only push anxiety, panic, worry, sorrow and rage away, but now I can’t feel anything except this longing to die, for it all to be over. I push it all away, ’cause it used to be the only way I could keep myself alive. The feeling of dying took over, it’s who I am, who I’ve been. It’s me and it’s my story.

If you think fighting for me, fighting to keep me alive would help… then go ahead, but I don’t want to try anymore. So if you get into this fight then you better win or lose fighting. Because I can’t do that. I can’t see what you see. All I can see is an ending, my ending, my way, my goodbye. So you fight little solider, but keep me the hell put of it.
Thank you.