Someday’s we all wake up and feel like all we want is to escape, like all we want is to go back to sleep and hide for the day that we are expected to meet.
I believe at some point we all have been there, so maybe more often that others, but it’s something we all can relate to.
It might be dark or cold.
You might be sick, or depressed.
You might wake up to the rain or to a fight at home.
Car breaks, Sirens, wind.
Someone flushing or showering.
Children might be jumping on your bed or dogs might be whining in your ear, because they are ready for their morning walk.
Maybe you have school, work or a meeting to go to?
Church, Hospital, Friends, Family?
Or just some stranger knocking on your door.
And I don’t hold the answers of what to do.
I don’t want to most of the time, usually I go back to sleep, no matter if I wake up at 7 am or 2 pm. If I don’t have something I must do or that I promised to do.
I was at the doctor’s yesterday and they took 8 different blood sample pipe thingies, and there is more to take, the doctor was supposed to call be today if any of these test would show anything, but they never called so I guess they didn’t.
I don’t know what I am about to face, all is that my doctor will contact me on Monday to continue.
This doctor believes in me, in what I am saying. She believes it’s something wrong. That I wouldn’t feel this way otherwise, and it feels amazing to finally have a doctor that believes me and just doesn’t send me home saying “It’s nothing”.
I have been really tired today and I have meant to blog more today than what I have, but considering I have slept a lot and just laying down resting.
One of my closest friends is really worried about me and wanted me to go to the E.R one night when it got worse, of course I didn’t do as he said. I followed my own path, waiting, holding on, who knows it might have passed?
I don’t know what to do to help his worry. I am not completely sure what I feel myself.
I don’t even know why I am blogging about this?
Maybe it’s nice to not carrying it alone.
On other point I have started talking to my mom about how I feel at home.
Unsafe, unwelcome, that I’m a burden, that I am in the way, etc.
What I get out if it is that my mother believes I have ADD and post-traumatic stress syndrome.
So much fun.
Even know when I got so bad with my physical health she wants to diagnose me.
And I am sick of it, but I have no clue how to make it stop.
On the other hand I am going to church tomorrow/today, depending on where you live.
And I am going to read a text from the bible, and fun enough I am super nervous, but it feels great in the same time.
I get to stand there and read a text that means a lot to me, EVEN IF it’s about the birth of Jesus.
Although I hate Christmas, four days left.
Four days left.
Marry Christmas for those of you who like this holiday,
and don’t kill yourself for those who doesn’t.
Shadowanie - About the girl who became me. 