Update

When I spoke with my mom a couple days ago she explain the fear she and my stepdad had. The fear of getting the call that this time I wouldn’t survive. I also read a paper my doctor wrote about my condition and MANY suicide attempts, he counted least a hundred. It also said that writing me out of the psychiatric care would be a huge risk for my life.

This made me this of what I truly put my friends and family through.

This is something I’m a shamed of and that I deeply regret, but I took an overdose trying to kill myself in front off my two best friends last year. I wish I could take it back, redo that night. We fought and wrestled because off the pills, I was affected by them, high. Which one of my friend noticed. We are still friends and thank god for them, that I still have them in my life. If you are reading this I’m truly sorry. 

I’ve realized that dying isn’t the only thing that will make people stop worrying about me, but I also know that worry is always going to be there even if I recover.

I’m doing better, still thinking about killing myself and sometimes it takes all of me trying not to kill myself. Not hurting myself though.

I’m still under forensic psychiatric care and my doctor is talking about 6 more months here. On Wednesday we are having a meeting about my LPT (law on compulsory) to see if they will extend my LPT.

Right now we are waiting for my autism investigation (don’t know if that’s the right word). After that we are going to have a treatment conference on what’s going to happen during the coming 6 months and what’s going to happen after. Right now it’s alot of questions.